Have you ever gotten in trouble for being naked?
I’d like to know – really. I’ve heard some great stories about naked trouble. I’d like to hear yours. Wanna share? Feel free! I’ll tally the best ones and share with all, anonymously of course – names will be withheld to protect the innocent.
Although if you got in trouble for bein’ naked, you are probably not all THAT innocent. Probably…
I’m listening.
Not a lot of movement for me – it’s hard sometimes, to muster energy, isn’t it? Life, job, child (whom I adore), husband (ditto), laundry, groceries, phone calls, walks, park, sigh. And no press kit sent, no photos printed, no naked lady on the stage.
And that is okay. Maybe a blog is what you all have already figured out – a place to write. Duh, Maria.
Sometimes, I am slow.
It’s kinda scary to post this – I am such a newbie, such a neophyte. Be kind, if anyone is actually reading this. I’ll write about something more, more, soon.
Aloha.
Where in California, you ask?
“Would you like to See Me Naked? Then come! We’ll talk a little, laugh a little, dance a little… and eventually someone will be naked -
Maybe You!
Okay. Probably me…”
I wrote those words in the spring of 2001, when I was starting to think about promoting See Me Naked. See Me Naked. I love that title. I think it might be the best title I ever wrote. So far.
In the spring of 2001, I was single. I was in my 30′s. I was goin’ on tour, I was makin’ a show and takin’ it on the road – I was gonna try to live up to the idea that came to me and my friend Jason Webley in that bar in Saskatoon, Sasketchawan, when we were touring my play “Pu’uhona (place of refuge)” – a play very few people were coming to see, although the folks who did see it loved it – this idea that fell out of my mouth:
“If I was naked and funny, I’d be making a fortune.”
I’d always been funny. I just decided to try and get funnier. And naked. And wow.
5 stars (that’s really good, the best actually – like Gold at the Olympics). 5 stars at the Edmonton Fringe, Saskatoon Fringe, Winnipeg Fringe, Montreal Fringe; Artistic Pick in Seattle, Best of Fest Hold-over at Edmonton and Winnipeg, naked Maria on the cover of the Winnipeg Sun… I was the famous Naked Lady of the Fringe Festival Circuit.
And then I got tired. And then I got pregnant. And then I got a job. And then I had my son. Somewhere in there I got married. Then I moved to San Diego.
I got Naked a few times along the way – a sell-out crowd at Bumbershoot, a strange little run at Cape May Stage where I did NOT get Naked, a sold-out love-fest standing ovation at Vashon Allied Arts in honor of Womens History Month last year…
but all in all, I have not been NAKED in too long.
I’m gettin’ hot. I’m not sure if I’m still funny or not. I’m older, I know that. I had a child. I have a big scar where he came out. My breasts sure look different than they used to.
But I can’t help myself. I wanna get Naked again.
And I’m hopin’ someone might wanna come watch. Who knows, maybe you’ll get Naked, too.
